There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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