i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
