i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize