the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
