I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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