I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
