What a fucking waste of an outfit
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
