i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Let's get the cat blown out
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
