WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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