Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize