this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
