problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this just has baby written all over it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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