You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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