I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
false alarm, still single
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
