Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
