i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
