Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
