thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
smell my finger.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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