party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
