What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
