my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
