The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
