I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize