Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize