They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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