dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
