you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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