Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
