2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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