I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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