12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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