my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
