twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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