I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize