My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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