'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
