i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
