Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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