I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize