so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
