peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
