Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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