what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
