dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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