I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it's great music for shaving your balls
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
