Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
