You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think i have two assholes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
