My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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