weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
