Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
