I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Four minutes until I can fart!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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