I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
