Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
