My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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