South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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