that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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