i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
