She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I still have a little drunk in my system
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
