Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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