Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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