lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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