so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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