i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
