You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
